Saying What You Mean

Urghh. How many times will I hold my tongue just to “keep the peace”? I am exhausted.

Okay, okay….pause. Deep breath. Let’s retrace my steps.

Lately, when I look in the mirror, the person staring back feels unfamiliar. I’m on this messy but necessary road of self-discovery, setting boundaries, taking up space, and relearning what it means to honor my voice.

The Wedding That Taught Me a Lesson

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a friend’s wedding. It was a beautiful celebration, the kind that makes you want to dance all night. The food was phenomenal, the ambiance spectacular, and I felt radiant in my dress from CIAR (a gem I picked up during my trip to Nigeria last December). Paired with Zara sandals and my staple jewelries, I looked the part.

But here’s the twist: that wasn’t the outfit I had originally planned.

When Excitement Overrides Logic

Back in May, when I first got the wedding invitation, my friend asked me to join her asoebi ladies. Without hesitation, I said yes. My excitement drowned out all logic even though my budget was already stretched. That “yes” wasn’t for me; it was my people-pleasing tendencies answering on my behalf.

She mentioned there was only one material left, and in my head, I took it as a divine sign. “God must want me to have this,” I thought.  I made arrangements with my brother in Abuja to collect the fabric, find a tailor, and ship it to me. Everything felt aligned.

Until it wasn’t.

Fast forward to a month before the wedding, I called my brother for an update. His words hit like a splash of cold water: he never received the material. Just cry with me small because what do you mean my order was never received??

That moment stung. Not just because of the money, but because I realized all this could have been avoided if I had simply said no in the first place.

Connecting the Dots

In the end, I rocked the CIAR dress and had a great time. But the situation revealed a pattern. This wasn’t just about clothes, I often overcommit, even when it drains me.

• I say yes too quickly.
• I avoid confrontation, even if it costs me.
• I people-please to mask the fact that sometimes…I just don’t like being around people.

Have you ever found yourself in situations where excitement or guilt made you say “yes” when you really wanted to say “no”?

Who I Am, Unfiltered

My name is Deborah, but everyone calls me Debs, so do the same. I’m the only daughter in a family of five. I love creating and devouring good food. I’m a beauty enthusiast, a sometimes-lazy perfectionist, a writer and reader who wishes she did both more often. I overthink, overanalyze, and create problems that don’t even exist. I’m messy, I’m playful, I dabble in things that keep life colorful.

And yes, I’m learning to accept that I can be both magnetic in conversation and yet deeply protective of my space.

What I’m unlearning, though, is people-pleasing. It’s exhausting. It’s expensive. And it keeps me from being… me.

So here’s where I land: it’s time to stop swallowing my words to “keep the peace.” It’s time to stop making decisions from fear of judgment. It’s time to start saying what I mean.

Because here’s the thing: self-expression isn’t just about wearing the perfect outfit or showing up for a celebration. It’s about showing up for yourself, your needs, your truth, your boundaries. Self-expression isn’t optional—it’s survival.

Your turn: Where in your life are you biting your tongue or shrinking yourself? What would happen if you started saying what you mean?